73rd : some important dates during my final year.

23rd June 2014

FINAL SEM of FINAL YEAR begins.

July - August 2014

Internship (ENDED not beautifully)

September

Seminar: AR report presentation. (ENDED blissfully)

AR write-up. (submitted arrogantly. ha!)

October

29th - unexpectedly had interview with SPP! (DONE feverishly)

November

- Final exam! (10th, 13th & 17th)

- homecoming! back-for-good-for-a-while

71st : just another baby step!

i went to the unit today to see my supervisor.

i was about leaving the room, a lecturer who observed me in sem 6 voiced out,

"sufiyyah, why are you wearing different colours??"

hahaha! only at that moment, i realised that and i felt embarrassed. hahaha!!

RED scarf.
FLUORESCENT GREEN t-shirt.
KHAKI trousers.
YELLOW-PINK-BLUE stripes socks.
BLUE canvas shoes.
YELLOW bag.

well.

madam, thanks for your concern. i'm touched. :')

at the same time, the Head of Language Department was there. oh. he remembered my name! my nickname! haha! yes, i am so happy!! :D so happy that i can't stop smiling and grinning and laughing remembering what had happened! OMG. haha.

kay.

still need to edit my report for the final time. aaaaaa!

yosh!

70th : death.

THERE’S been a death in the opposite house
As lately as to-day.
I know it by the numb look
Such houses have alway.
The neighbors rustle in and out,	5
The doctor drives away.
A window opens like a pod,
Abrupt, mechanically;
Somebody flings a mattress out,—
The children hurry by;	10
They wonder if It died on that,—
I used to when a boy.
The minister goes stiffly in
As if the house were his,
And he owned all the mourners now,	15
And little boys besides;
And then the milliner, and the man
Of the appalling trade,
To take the measure of the house.
There ’ll be that dark parade	20
Of tassels and of coaches soon;
It ’s easy as a sign,—
The intuition of the news
In just a country town.

by: Emily Dickinson.

p/s: need to learn to react with condolence towards this kind of news. 

am i cruel to give respond like i am feelingless? 

69th : near.

in the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

am very near to the end of my final semester of my final year of my study. ^_^

praise be to Allah.

i was like not as busy as my friends who were in-charge in the organizing committee for the seminar.

i was like as slow as a snail in improving my write-up of my report.

i was like not confident like i did not do anything for my research.

yet, i was grateful for all kind-hearted and helpful people, especially lecturers around me. ^_^

coming back to the campus after the mid-sem break, i brought a blazer with me. i borrowed it from my mother. then, today, i brought it to the class. finally, during the presentation, i didn't wear it. i was not confident. ^_^"

reflecting on weeks before the mid-sem break, there were six Saturdays; my classmates and i didn't have our real Saturday. why? because of the A.R.

hi! i was the last presenter of my class.

while other friends from other classes were attending the closing ceremony for our action research seminar at 4.30 p.m., i was just beginning my presentation. ^_^ 

after the seminar ended, my friends and i went to Perda City Mall!!

we found....

tamiya 4WD. car. race. interesting!

there'll be a tournament at Perda City Mall. on this coming Saturday. (i'm interested to go and look around. to observe. hm...)

yeah. i enjoy knowing new things. thanks to my friends for accompanying me to ask to those misters to demonstrate the tamiya car on the circuit. :D

i want to know more about this activity. yes. really.

my friends and i were aware that this tamiya car were the car models used in schools for Kemahiran Hidup subject.

if this kind of activity can benefit the students, why not i encourage my students in the future who has interest in this kind of activity or have skills related to this tamiya thingy to join this movement? isn't it? ^_^

thus, that's it.

tomorrow, am gonna listen to integrity speech. hmm...

68th : stupidity.

stupidity; when you asked someone who cannot decide but yell to you after decision made

stupidity; when you do things right and nobody's there to support you

stupidity; when you do listen to everyone, yet nobody ever listens to you

stupidity; when you sacrifice  your priceless time with nothing benefits you physically

stupidity; to get tired by silly negative thoughts of moron fella

stupidity; to be fear of others' devillish wits

stupidity; to care for somebody and you're dying unconsciously

stupidity; to rawr silently to things you have the right to roar!

genius; to be ignorant forever and stagnant of own's negative satanic side of own's self.

66th: happy revision week!

practicum matters. i have other things to do regarding practicum. the portfolio. yada. it's already third week i'd finished practicum.

for the first time, i felt very bad of ending the practicum.
even though this third practicum, i received more gifts from the pupils, i don't feel right.

the  principal was emphasizing on our contributions to school in the three months we're there.

i feel worse when i couldn't find one contribution that is significant to the school.

it became worst when i found a comment by a teacher in the school on one senior's post on Facebook about no trainees better than them or could beat them so far.

yeah. i ain't looking for people's appreciation, but.. i can't help myself from feeling this bad.

this despair. dismay. demotivated.

i'm like lost.

next semester, am going to that same school again.

i feel... dumb.

i need guidance.

yes, ain't independent.

yes. i know, i need to search the information.

i pray that i'll be given the strength to do my best in the next semester and in the coming exam.

i need time to be alone.

duh.

the A.R. proposal.
hm. i just feel sorry to my supervisor because he got me as his supervisee. T_T

ah.

stop thinking in a weak heart's view.

stay strong.

and be happy.

^_^

this year gonna end.

just live it because am gonna leave it.

hah-ha.

and am gonna leave this blog too. that's the meaning.

oh. looking forward the briefing for e-posting. :D

ha-ha. that's another think to be thought seriously.

-_-"

so serious seriously!

fullstop!

65th: final week in the campus.

there's KAPEL 2.0 going on. in this campus. am attending one event tonite. insya Allah. =D

finishing one assignment. and gladly to write here, alhamdulillah, i've finished my part! ^_^

even though i'm done, i feel uncomfortable. not satisfied with my works. ~_~ that leceh me inside. i wish i can go to a library with relevant reference. i wish. i wish. and i keep wishing!

nervy to go to school next week.

and my A.R progress is very slow.
i need to read more.
i do want to read.
stress.

practicum.
mister, please don't put your expectations too high. i'm afraid that i will fall and hurt badly because of my failure to achieve your expectations. T_T i don't wanna be in that excruciating pain of dissapointment. no. :'[

the minor subject that i like the most; i'm afraid now. am scared to teach that subject. ~_~

final year.
seemed that i haven't prepared that much.
this fourth week, that fragile me returned. T_T

allahu yusahhil everyone! ^_^

let's go to school. hm.

64th : 23 x 2.

23 x 2 = 46. change 6 to be in front of 4. it is 64. heh. this my karut-marut. it's just today is dec 23rd.

the last paper was TSL3112.
ahah. i wasn't confident about that paper. was i confident for the previous papers? SoQ.
what was the questions about? ar... i.. have.. forgotten. :P so sorry that i'm human who forgets.

the result is already out.

praise be to Allah is all i can say.

yet, yada. so far, i haven't seen remarks from the anyone from this cohort one of PISMP (TESL) saying that it's easy as ABC to score in this course. heh. from the juniors? there are a lot. they even scored the flat! amazing huh? other courses also. bla3. stop whining. hee.

so, the hols is near the end.

A.R. -_____________________-

all the best!

final year!!

wabillahi taufiq wal hidayah wassalamu'alaikum warohmatullai wabarokatuh. 

63rd : another paper to leave.

how are you? ...

okeyh. exam has begun. and desperately wanna go home!

TSL 3111 
what to say? my assignment marks is very unsatisfying. well. i deserved the marks, though. but, in order to set my pointer target, that is one factor that makes my motivation to decrease and makes my spirit to give up. but, my heart told me to do my very best! ^_^ and my brain too told me that i have time! it's time. ah-ha. thus, alhamdulillah. i ain't really worrying.
about the course, it has only 6 topics. i thought, it's only me that thought the topics were too little? no. my friends thought that way too. 6 topics and the content of the topics are like... repetitious? not to say the  paper was going to be easy, but we were afraid if the questions would be like outside of our mind like writing paper in the previous sem. it was like... hmmmm.... too difficult. the difficulty is because of the subjectivity of the questions. :) that's what i think.
in addition, we, as the pioneer of the course have no certain reference. for other courses, they might ask for past year questions, at least, they could imagine the questions pattern like. we (us)? hee... well. mother told me that would make you in a real tawakkal, insya Allah. :) thus, no worries. :)
the questions were on types of materials, factors and principles of  selection and adaptation and evaluation of materials... to what extent ESL materials help teachers in their teaching? then, how to exploit the given materials to teach other language skills? advice to be given to this teacher who wants to produce a big book using raw materials. language skills to be implemented for the particular materials. okay.

RBT 3120
i was thinking to exchange notes with friends in other campus. but, i realized that for elective paper, it's set-up at the campus level. hmm.... so, we just really went into the lecture notes that we have. haha. for me, honestly, i enjoyed revising RBT courses. this is because it is factual and like adding knowledge and sometimes it's something near us in our daily life, but in the course it has the specific terminology used. for example in teknologi rumah tangga (home science technology), about the french seam, the belahan everything. hahaha. they're on the attire we wear everyday! ^_^

going to buy some fish! 

bought fish. ehm... the blacky fish died after about 24 hours or less... hee. 

the white sand should be washed thoroughly and meticulously... others' aquariums have more accessories, to be frank. -_- 

okay. another 5 days! ^_^

62nd : a.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

61st : photos of RBT 3120.

RBT 3120.
consists of three components.
agriculture. fishhhhh. home science technology.

i haven't really posted an entry of the course. ...

here is the post.

this is kailan. i forgot what it is called in English. of course the kailan had been harvested during our practicum. 

this one is brinjal plant. hm. it's now grown up. about a month ago, this plant hadn't produce fruits yet. by now, i don't know. maybe someone had harvested them too. hee. i wish i can visit the plants. 

grown up kailans.

the roots. yeah. hydroponic. organic. haha.

cleaning the aquarium... 

clear. next to be done was to buy some fish. next entry. 

finally!! i know how to use this!! ^_^ 

^_^ 

silang pangkah. 

beads. haha. not my work. someone's. heee. yeah. it's my assignment, though. :P only this part i couldn't help myself to do. others, authentically my touch!!!

60th : i'm alive!

yes.
alhamdulillah am alive.
am alive.

practicum. phase 2. done. successfully? no. gracefully? i don't think so.

the portfolio. it's been two weeks. i haven't updated the weekly reflective journal. the pernyataan profesional. the journal is not updated for the eighth week. professional statement? everything. am dead if my lecturers are reading this.

laugh.
i laugh.
when i can't tell you my thoughts. my feelings. my instinct.
i laugh.
when i can't answer your inquiries.
i can't answer because the blame is on me.
my answers will turn out to be excuses.
thus, it's better to say nothing. nothing.
i laugh.
when i feel tickled.
yeah. funny; in my point of view.
i laugh.
to... hide myself?
ha-ha.

practicum.

if after the first practicum finished i felt disappointed for my grade.
for this second phase, i knew that i deserved the grade.
i realised that even before the lecturer tells me.

that ego in me; i hate to hear negative comments about me from others when i am aware of the bad me.

that awkward me; i don't know or i can't respond to praises... to positive comments from others about me. yeah.

both ego and awkward me are negative.

i am labelled as 'sombong'. ahah. i am labelled as 'kera sumbang'.

at the school. i write these statements based on the feedback i received from the collaborating teacher.

'sombong'... proud. i used to that kind of label in secondary school. commented by the boys. ... that is just okay, for me, for that context. but, for this practicum context, it's just... kind of wrong to be happened?

'kera sumbang'. i never received this comment before the second phase practicum. ha-ha.
yada. am learning to be 'kera sumbang'. thus, i've succeed? ha-ha.

and yes.
i am not frustrated over my practicum result.
i don't know how should i arrange my words to construct one clear sentence to describe.
i am sad, but frustrated.

pointer. another issue. 3.85. am too far to chase that.

and for this sem, i am quite... hurnm. demotivated.

factors?
everything.
system.
people.
myself.

am enjoying myself.
to finish the ELS report. yada. am the secretary. maybe i can apply that pose after graduation. kah3. two years experience of being a secretary. that should suffice the requirement of new recruits in getting a job, isn't it? NO? ah.
to play netball in the evening. ha-ha.
to finish sewing a night-blouse for RBT3120. coursework. not for fun.
to slowly slow complete my practicum portfolio. :P
to not have negative thoughts about others. i have had enough.
to help others maintain relationship from being broken. silaturrahim. ukhuwah? no? i mean it when i say i care about you. i love you. yes. the word love from me is not exclusive for certain people that i call as my clan or gang. islam teaches us about love. why should it be exclusive like branded products in malls? yet, it's not that cheap that you can get it anywhere easily. it's just affordable. to make it affordable, it depends on the terms and conditions described in the Qur'an and sunnah. yeah. i don't wanna elaborate more. :P

one of enjoyable moments in this semester. RBT 3120

one of enjoyable weekends in this semester. 

57th : lame.

i hope this entry won't be the reason my blog's hits increase.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=er3SmEYLZtE

watch the video.

hahaha.

hm.

i.. frankly writing, yeah, it doesn't really matter if i ain't guaranteed...

but, one thing, my CERT must be ACCREDITED and GUARANTEED for that i can apply anything after 5 years and half....

am doing best to get QUALIFIED CERT.

it's like, u're saying we can be anything after we graduate. okay fine. make sure it's FOR REAL.

lame.

thanks my lecturer in the academy i went before i enter the institute to remind me, ALLAH'S THE BEST PLANNER. GO TO HIM. ASK FOR HIM FOR ANYTHING. HE WON'T DISAPPOINT YOU.

BE SINCERE. IF I WANT TO BE A TEACHER, HE'S THERE TO SAY YES FOR MY REQUEST. ^_ ^_^

RAMADHAN KAREEM!

56th : second phase, 4th anniversary.

last year, i did a video dedicated to my classmates... anniversary.
i lost the video since my notebook is restored for some reasons. inevitable reasons.
empty.
4 years. ago.
at this hour, i think my friends and i were preparing ourselves to assemble at the hall.
nevertheless, ain't celebrating this.

previous sem - my tears spent in the middle of it.
this sem - it's not even began, i've spent some over it.

first phase - didn't really care about grade was gonna get.
after the result - when others got A, was distress.
coming to the second phase - felt like holding grudge to that mister. sorry. awful that i felt the grudge after the thing had passed. am erasing it.

realization. the agriculture lecturer once said,
"to grow it, to make it alive, not our business. it's Allah's work. we just do our best..."

thus, same goes to the result i have got. why should i be under pressure when i knew i did my best? keep the faith.

the second phase.
july 15th.
i am doing better.
insya Allah.

55th : review.

in the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

first of all, i owe you the story of my presentation for TSL 3109. the congruent communication by Haim Ginott.

this memory, my group members and i presented the theory using the software named Prezi.com.
you can access to our presentation here : http://prezi.com/7esbwipuu9p0/congruent-communication-by-haim-ginott/

i like this theory very much. much. much. all of us in my group agreed with the theory. and we did agree that this theory actually says what Islam teach us. to be positive. to be loving.

what amazed me that after our presentation, there was a sharing with a sister; a teacher,  about the Technique Used by our Prophet (peace be upon him) are similar to what my friends and i studied in Congruent Communication. i ain't that 'light skeleton' to type all the explanation, but briefly this is what i was thinking about. i'll try to upload pictures of some notes of the sharing, later. insya Allah.

my friends and i enjoyed our presentation very much. i, personally, had a great time. maybe because of the intensity of my feelings in doing it. he.

in the end of the presentation, we were asked, about being so congruent, what if the learners;students;pupils, of the opposite genders of the teachers take things wrongly? like falling in love, something like that... i was speechless. ha-ha. hm. that's the point where the counsellor of the school have roles to play. =)

okay.

if possible, i'll update more, tonight. insya Allah. ^_^

51st : today is a fairytale.

LOL.
ok. S.O.Q.

WHAT A HECTIC WEEK.. WHAT A MESSY MONTH.. WHAT A DAY!!

it's friday... it's gonna end in 3 hours...

err...

okay.

brought printer to the classroom...

thanks to Keyla from bringing that from the hostel...

one assignment left after finished other three assignments in a rush!! it's like august rush! omo... august rush is cute. =.="

it's good to be honest, hee.. no.. i don't feel ashamed. yes, the guilt is there. but it's just inevitable. and i just can't put the blame anywhere. it's me who to be blame of. booo!

 i'll try to share with you about those stories i in debt to you. ha-ha.

now i can do many things i love to do that couldn't be done properly since March began.

^_^

will be waiting for ayah here, in the north district of Malaysia.

fairy is cute.
i was a fairy on the previous monday.
thus, i am was cute. 

LOL. haha.

we start the mid semester break with, alhamdulillah and in the name of Allah the Most Gracious the Most Merciful. 

50th : i owe you.

50th : ordinal number. hahaha! << should change to S.O.Q. >.<

i have many things in my mind to be scribbled here. but, i still can't manage to steal some times to seat and type something. when i want to express myself about something, i need a longer time compared to this kind of entry.
K-O-T done.
cross country done.
BIG done.
assignments - most of them half-done.

so, my dear blog, i owe you many stories!

p/s: i really dun agree with people that think the past is not important. this is because the past do have influence over our actions and thinking today. don't you think so?
even, to be on the sunnah, it's in the past. isn't it? those who doesn't look back to the history, tend to repeat the mistakes in the future.

history and today
today and future
history and future
future and history
   seems far away from each other
    yet, they have a link can't be seen physically
     that actually closely related to each other

49th : creating mood to restart.

these are for TSL 3108 assignment. it was finished at the eleventh hour, though. T_T i started it early, but after the checking, it was so heavy to continue doing it.

let's begin doing assignment for this semester!! ^_^

p/s: i realized that this blog gets hits for those course code, EDU, TSL... sorry to those people because i did mention the codes here, but not really an explanation about them specifically. ^_^" i'll try to share something about TSL 3109 - Congruent Communication, here (part of the exciting assignment for this semester, for me. ahah). insya Allah. :)

48th : This cikgu teaches Chinese.

she's one of my seniors in the college.
i had one memory with her in one Ramadhan two years ago. we ate together in the same talam. :)

This cikgu teaches Chinese

47th : the hard times...

it's good if we find that we are problem.
i'ts good if we know people don't like us, are not comfy with us.

yeah. i'm saying it's good. humans. factually that humans... humans means us... so, we are created to face and solve the things we take it as problems.

if we are problem, what should we do?

if we are not liked or people don't comfy with us, what do we do?

ain't trying to be a motivator or what here. i want to share what i think.

as a Muslim, it's useless to live this life if we don't have any contribution toward people around us. this is one of the basic mind-settings, for me.

we're not living this life alone. we live this life with others.

then, how to be with others? of course, communicating.

and, i do believe and have faith, communicating either it's one way or two ways, it involves physically, emotionally and spiritually.

before all the communication occur, our mind setting should be cleared.

since last year, i found that the theory of Johari window's really made me think positively. yeah. alhamdulillah.

it's not only ourselves have a view for us and we do have something we don't know until someone tell us. we have people in the same circle with us and people that never know us like really know us (not in the same circle) that can help us to look at our hidden selves naturally (we don't have to ask people directly, it's just life). AND, when we do find something about ourselves from others, we just have to be fair to ourselves in accepting the things.

we may reflect on our lives...

for me, i've learnt.. i think. i do think that people around do have their own significance in my life. in building my character. definitely, they do help me to reflect my own self. this is just like putting ourselves in their shoes. yes. as simple as that, simple? maybe.

we do concern about ourselves.
but, we do too have to concern about  others.
others affect us in many ways.
to make others understand us, we have to share with them.
share what? share our thoughts. they might be not accepting ours, but at least they know.
and it has to be in two directions. it's unfair if they know about us, but we don't know them.
so, we have to know them too. know their thoughts too.
this is where we learn to respect each other.

i too a person that difficult to listen to others. but, do make du'as and do tell people to help me in improving myself. (people who live around me may not agree with this, but, at least this is what i think and feel...)

the hard times for us maybe different in situation, but the room of hope for us the same as we raise our hands and make du'a.

^_^

may Allah ease, people.