74th : real final - JDT.

hi.

it's been three weeks i'm paying back the government with my energy, knowledge and ability. :D

got posted. Johor. Pasir Gudang. Masai.

currently teaching; English - Year 2. Maths - Year 1. Science - Year 1. Music - Year 3.

of all the subjects, the most critical subject for me is music. why? coz i never learnt music.

for Maths and Science, at least i just blind in term of the pedagogy to teach the subjects. while for music, i really know nothing. yeah. people suggested me to use songs which we listen on radio, on tv, on youtube, the thing is, as a trained-novice-teacher, i know that i must be adhere to the curriculum provided by the government. only after that, i can adapt and adopt my teaching resources. T_T that's it.

i would like to express my gratitude by acknowledging some important individuals who have helped me through posting journey.

the commissioner of oath, Puan Aishah bt Abdullah, Magistrate of KB.

the doctor who has verified my health, Dr. Wan Nur Aimi Wan Mohd Zamri, Medical Officer in KB.

the mister of e-vetting who verified my cert, Mr. Mohd Ridzuan bin Sith.

my father.

my mother.

my classmates. Pioneer of TESLians of IPG KTB.

published on 16th June 2015.

72nd : this won't be the ending.

ah.

well.

i planned to post an ending post for this blog before 2014 ends.

well. i failed to be consistent in accomplishing my plans.

therefore,

i will be updating this blog til.... when?

til i've got a place in school.

alhamdulillah.

i've passed my SPP interview.

alhamdulillah.

the exam result of the final sem is out. what's the good about the result, alhamdulillah.
i aimed to get the flat for the 8th sem, and i didn't get the flat, yet it's the highest pointer in the eight semesters i've gone through. alhamdulillah. nevertheless, i'm afraid if this result is a test for me. T_T
yes, my CGPA is not that high, though. ^_^

therefore, now, am kinda waiting to be posted for teaching.

maybe, my final post in this blog will be entitled with the state i'd be posted. haha.

ok. till then.

71st : just another baby step!

i went to the unit today to see my supervisor.

i was about leaving the room, a lecturer who observed me in sem 6 voiced out,

"sufiyyah, why are you wearing different colours??"

hahaha! only at that moment, i realised that and i felt embarrassed. hahaha!!

RED scarf.
FLUORESCENT GREEN t-shirt.
KHAKI trousers.
YELLOW-PINK-BLUE stripes socks.
BLUE canvas shoes.
YELLOW bag.

well.

madam, thanks for your concern. i'm touched. :')

at the same time, the Head of Language Department was there. oh. he remembered my name! my nickname! haha! yes, i am so happy!! :D so happy that i can't stop smiling and grinning and laughing remembering what had happened! OMG. haha.

kay.

still need to edit my report for the final time. aaaaaa!

yosh!

70th : death.

THERE’S been a death in the opposite house
As lately as to-day.
I know it by the numb look
Such houses have alway.
The neighbors rustle in and out,	5
The doctor drives away.
A window opens like a pod,
Abrupt, mechanically;
Somebody flings a mattress out,—
The children hurry by;	10
They wonder if It died on that,—
I used to when a boy.
The minister goes stiffly in
As if the house were his,
And he owned all the mourners now,	15
And little boys besides;
And then the milliner, and the man
Of the appalling trade,
To take the measure of the house.
There ’ll be that dark parade	20
Of tassels and of coaches soon;
It ’s easy as a sign,—
The intuition of the news
In just a country town.

by: Emily Dickinson.

p/s: need to learn to react with condolence towards this kind of news. 

am i cruel to give respond like i am feelingless? 

69th : near.

in the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

am very near to the end of my final semester of my final year of my study. ^_^

praise be to Allah.

i was like not as busy as my friends who were in-charge in the organizing committee for the seminar.

i was like as slow as a snail in improving my write-up of my report.

i was like not confident like i did not do anything for my research.

yet, i was grateful for all kind-hearted and helpful people, especially lecturers around me. ^_^

coming back to the campus after the mid-sem break, i brought a blazer with me. i borrowed it from my mother. then, today, i brought it to the class. finally, during the presentation, i didn't wear it. i was not confident. ^_^"

reflecting on weeks before the mid-sem break, there were six Saturdays; my classmates and i didn't have our real Saturday. why? because of the A.R.

hi! i was the last presenter of my class.

while other friends from other classes were attending the closing ceremony for our action research seminar at 4.30 p.m., i was just beginning my presentation. ^_^ 

after the seminar ended, my friends and i went to Perda City Mall!!

we found....

tamiya 4WD. car. race. interesting!

there'll be a tournament at Perda City Mall. on this coming Saturday. (i'm interested to go and look around. to observe. hm...)

yeah. i enjoy knowing new things. thanks to my friends for accompanying me to ask to those misters to demonstrate the tamiya car on the circuit. :D

i want to know more about this activity. yes. really.

my friends and i were aware that this tamiya car were the car models used in schools for Kemahiran Hidup subject.

if this kind of activity can benefit the students, why not i encourage my students in the future who has interest in this kind of activity or have skills related to this tamiya thingy to join this movement? isn't it? ^_^

thus, that's it.

tomorrow, am gonna listen to integrity speech. hmm...

67th : final Ramadhan here is gonna end.

another 9 days left for internship. i really can't wait for the end of internship. yet, i still need to improve my very best.

by the end of today, i want to let the sad me go off me.

i can't resist the frustration to visit me today. T^Tv

it's hard to please people, aite?

and yes. i need to make myself clear.

what i've done was not to please people. i have clear aims and objectives for that particular matter. please read my proposal! T^T

as well as my AR. the very rare thinking style of me. but, is it wrong?

maybe, it's just me who's being over-sensitive today.

maybe, i was over confident.

and at least, she spoke to me. not on her facebook status or any social apps status. *feeling determined*

kay.

ramadhan kareem, everyone.

66th: happy revision week!

practicum matters. i have other things to do regarding practicum. the portfolio. yada. it's already third week i'd finished practicum.

for the first time, i felt very bad of ending the practicum.
even though this third practicum, i received more gifts from the pupils, i don't feel right.

the  principal was emphasizing on our contributions to school in the three months we're there.

i feel worse when i couldn't find one contribution that is significant to the school.

it became worst when i found a comment by a teacher in the school on one senior's post on Facebook about no trainees better than them or could beat them so far.

yeah. i ain't looking for people's appreciation, but.. i can't help myself from feeling this bad.

this despair. dismay. demotivated.

i'm like lost.

next semester, am going to that same school again.

i feel... dumb.

i need guidance.

yes, ain't independent.

yes. i know, i need to search the information.

i pray that i'll be given the strength to do my best in the next semester and in the coming exam.

i need time to be alone.

duh.

the A.R. proposal.
hm. i just feel sorry to my supervisor because he got me as his supervisee. T_T

ah.

stop thinking in a weak heart's view.

stay strong.

and be happy.

^_^

this year gonna end.

just live it because am gonna leave it.

hah-ha.

and am gonna leave this blog too. that's the meaning.

oh. looking forward the briefing for e-posting. :D

ha-ha. that's another think to be thought seriously.

-_-"

so serious seriously!

fullstop!

65th: final week in the campus.

there's KAPEL 2.0 going on. in this campus. am attending one event tonite. insya Allah. =D

finishing one assignment. and gladly to write here, alhamdulillah, i've finished my part! ^_^

even though i'm done, i feel uncomfortable. not satisfied with my works. ~_~ that leceh me inside. i wish i can go to a library with relevant reference. i wish. i wish. and i keep wishing!

nervy to go to school next week.

and my A.R progress is very slow.
i need to read more.
i do want to read.
stress.

practicum.
mister, please don't put your expectations too high. i'm afraid that i will fall and hurt badly because of my failure to achieve your expectations. T_T i don't wanna be in that excruciating pain of dissapointment. no. :'[

the minor subject that i like the most; i'm afraid now. am scared to teach that subject. ~_~

final year.
seemed that i haven't prepared that much.
this fourth week, that fragile me returned. T_T

allahu yusahhil everyone! ^_^

let's go to school. hm.

64th : 23 x 2.

23 x 2 = 46. change 6 to be in front of 4. it is 64. heh. this my karut-marut. it's just today is dec 23rd.

the last paper was TSL3112.
ahah. i wasn't confident about that paper. was i confident for the previous papers? SoQ.
what was the questions about? ar... i.. have.. forgotten. :P so sorry that i'm human who forgets.

the result is already out.

praise be to Allah is all i can say.

yet, yada. so far, i haven't seen remarks from the anyone from this cohort one of PISMP (TESL) saying that it's easy as ABC to score in this course. heh. from the juniors? there are a lot. they even scored the flat! amazing huh? other courses also. bla3. stop whining. hee.

so, the hols is near the end.

A.R. -_____________________-

all the best!

final year!!

wabillahi taufiq wal hidayah wassalamu'alaikum warohmatullai wabarokatuh. 

63rd : another paper to leave.

how are you? ...

okeyh. exam has begun. and desperately wanna go home!

TSL 3111 
what to say? my assignment marks is very unsatisfying. well. i deserved the marks, though. but, in order to set my pointer target, that is one factor that makes my motivation to decrease and makes my spirit to give up. but, my heart told me to do my very best! ^_^ and my brain too told me that i have time! it's time. ah-ha. thus, alhamdulillah. i ain't really worrying.
about the course, it has only 6 topics. i thought, it's only me that thought the topics were too little? no. my friends thought that way too. 6 topics and the content of the topics are like... repetitious? not to say the  paper was going to be easy, but we were afraid if the questions would be like outside of our mind like writing paper in the previous sem. it was like... hmmmm.... too difficult. the difficulty is because of the subjectivity of the questions. :) that's what i think.
in addition, we, as the pioneer of the course have no certain reference. for other courses, they might ask for past year questions, at least, they could imagine the questions pattern like. we (us)? hee... well. mother told me that would make you in a real tawakkal, insya Allah. :) thus, no worries. :)
the questions were on types of materials, factors and principles of  selection and adaptation and evaluation of materials... to what extent ESL materials help teachers in their teaching? then, how to exploit the given materials to teach other language skills? advice to be given to this teacher who wants to produce a big book using raw materials. language skills to be implemented for the particular materials. okay.

RBT 3120
i was thinking to exchange notes with friends in other campus. but, i realized that for elective paper, it's set-up at the campus level. hmm.... so, we just really went into the lecture notes that we have. haha. for me, honestly, i enjoyed revising RBT courses. this is because it is factual and like adding knowledge and sometimes it's something near us in our daily life, but in the course it has the specific terminology used. for example in teknologi rumah tangga (home science technology), about the french seam, the belahan everything. hahaha. they're on the attire we wear everyday! ^_^

going to buy some fish! 

bought fish. ehm... the blacky fish died after about 24 hours or less... hee. 

the white sand should be washed thoroughly and meticulously... others' aquariums have more accessories, to be frank. -_- 

okay. another 5 days! ^_^

62nd : a.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

60th : i'm alive!

yes.
alhamdulillah am alive.
am alive.

practicum. phase 2. done. successfully? no. gracefully? i don't think so.

the portfolio. it's been two weeks. i haven't updated the weekly reflective journal. the pernyataan profesional. the journal is not updated for the eighth week. professional statement? everything. am dead if my lecturers are reading this.

laugh.
i laugh.
when i can't tell you my thoughts. my feelings. my instinct.
i laugh.
when i can't answer your inquiries.
i can't answer because the blame is on me.
my answers will turn out to be excuses.
thus, it's better to say nothing. nothing.
i laugh.
when i feel tickled.
yeah. funny; in my point of view.
i laugh.
to... hide myself?
ha-ha.

practicum.

if after the first practicum finished i felt disappointed for my grade.
for this second phase, i knew that i deserved the grade.
i realised that even before the lecturer tells me.

that ego in me; i hate to hear negative comments about me from others when i am aware of the bad me.

that awkward me; i don't know or i can't respond to praises... to positive comments from others about me. yeah.

both ego and awkward me are negative.

i am labelled as 'sombong'. ahah. i am labelled as 'kera sumbang'.

at the school. i write these statements based on the feedback i received from the collaborating teacher.

'sombong'... proud. i used to that kind of label in secondary school. commented by the boys. ... that is just okay, for me, for that context. but, for this practicum context, it's just... kind of wrong to be happened?

'kera sumbang'. i never received this comment before the second phase practicum. ha-ha.
yada. am learning to be 'kera sumbang'. thus, i've succeed? ha-ha.

and yes.
i am not frustrated over my practicum result.
i don't know how should i arrange my words to construct one clear sentence to describe.
i am sad, but frustrated.

pointer. another issue. 3.85. am too far to chase that.

and for this sem, i am quite... hurnm. demotivated.

factors?
everything.
system.
people.
myself.

am enjoying myself.
to finish the ELS report. yada. am the secretary. maybe i can apply that pose after graduation. kah3. two years experience of being a secretary. that should suffice the requirement of new recruits in getting a job, isn't it? NO? ah.
to play netball in the evening. ha-ha.
to finish sewing a night-blouse for RBT3120. coursework. not for fun.
to slowly slow complete my practicum portfolio. :P
to not have negative thoughts about others. i have had enough.
to help others maintain relationship from being broken. silaturrahim. ukhuwah? no? i mean it when i say i care about you. i love you. yes. the word love from me is not exclusive for certain people that i call as my clan or gang. islam teaches us about love. why should it be exclusive like branded products in malls? yet, it's not that cheap that you can get it anywhere easily. it's just affordable. to make it affordable, it depends on the terms and conditions described in the Qur'an and sunnah. yeah. i don't wanna elaborate more. :P

one of enjoyable moments in this semester. RBT 3120

one of enjoyable weekends in this semester. 

59th : wordless.

.
..
...
....
...
..
.

58th: confused.

it hurts.
not because of the comments. not because of the critics.

it's because why am i not improving?

it's the why questions on me, myself!

confused.

Don’t be sad by what you see
It’s true life has it’s miseries
But one thing’s always worked for me
Worry ends when faith begins

Lyrics are taken fromhttp://www.islamiclyrics.net/sami-yusuf/worry-ends/

57th : lame.

i hope this entry won't be the reason my blog's hits increase.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=er3SmEYLZtE

watch the video.

hahaha.

hm.

i.. frankly writing, yeah, it doesn't really matter if i ain't guaranteed...

but, one thing, my CERT must be ACCREDITED and GUARANTEED for that i can apply anything after 5 years and half....

am doing best to get QUALIFIED CERT.

it's like, u're saying we can be anything after we graduate. okay fine. make sure it's FOR REAL.

lame.

thanks my lecturer in the academy i went before i enter the institute to remind me, ALLAH'S THE BEST PLANNER. GO TO HIM. ASK FOR HIM FOR ANYTHING. HE WON'T DISAPPOINT YOU.

BE SINCERE. IF I WANT TO BE A TEACHER, HE'S THERE TO SAY YES FOR MY REQUEST. ^_ ^_^

RAMADHAN KAREEM!

56th : second phase, 4th anniversary.

last year, i did a video dedicated to my classmates... anniversary.
i lost the video since my notebook is restored for some reasons. inevitable reasons.
empty.
4 years. ago.
at this hour, i think my friends and i were preparing ourselves to assemble at the hall.
nevertheless, ain't celebrating this.

previous sem - my tears spent in the middle of it.
this sem - it's not even began, i've spent some over it.

first phase - didn't really care about grade was gonna get.
after the result - when others got A, was distress.
coming to the second phase - felt like holding grudge to that mister. sorry. awful that i felt the grudge after the thing had passed. am erasing it.

realization. the agriculture lecturer once said,
"to grow it, to make it alive, not our business. it's Allah's work. we just do our best..."

thus, same goes to the result i have got. why should i be under pressure when i knew i did my best? keep the faith.

the second phase.
july 15th.
i am doing better.
insya Allah.

54th : end?

with a greeny-bear keychain. Milla, thanks.
taking the bear, "why trouble yourself?" and it was awkward...

grammar error; more chickenS!!

nothing much to be written.
urm.
yes, no surprises for me.
yes, no plenty of cute gifts for me.
yes, ain't expecting for those.

yet, it caused me to be tearful that so many things i didn't do with them.
just to see them smiling at me is sufficient.
no, i don't wanna be a teacher whom pupils afraid of.

ok. this is much. ha-ha.

later.

#gotta complete the practicuum portfolio. few little things left; pernyataan profesional semasa and selepas only. go teacher!

53rd : flat.

in Malaysia, people in the tertiary level of education craving for four flat. i am too.

but, what about living in a flat? i am sensitive to know my pupils' background, even just to hear that they live in flat.

i love you, kids.

52nd : blizzard.

was teaching that class initial blends... /br/... /bl/... and /cl/....

came to the word, "blizzard..." i pronounced it /bliz3d/ confidently... suddenly, one boy corrected me, "it's /bliza;d/ teacher..."

i was... ek? my confidence level decreased... my mentor teacher was observing my teaching and learning activities my dear!

after the lesson end, i asked him to help me carrying my stuffs....

okay. he has a sister teaching at international school as ICT teacher... he uses English at home. ok.

returned to campus... with that low self-esteem condition.

shared with my beloved sister about that bitter experience of the day....

we checked the pronunciation together. ok. i was and am correct!!! oh dear...

^___________________^

yes. i did check for pronunciation before i enter my class. but for the word blizzard, i felt my pronunciation is correct, so i didn't check twice.

that class on Friday, once made me wanna cry in the second week. and in the third week, they behaved very kindly and sweetly  and i detected attention seekers mode...

of 5 Rafflesia, 5 Alamanda and 5 Ixora... 5 Alamanda was the first caught my heart as a teacher trainee... 5 Ixora was the first trembled me with that feeling to cause tears rolling down on this skinny cheek... 5 Rafflesia - thank you for understanding my commands. ahah.

i hope all of them will behave for another one week.
i'll try my best my dear to make the learning as fun as possible. >.<

Ixora members

Rafflesia members

Alamanda members. i left Syakeel's name. very sorry.

51st : today is a fairytale.

LOL.
ok. S.O.Q.

WHAT A HECTIC WEEK.. WHAT A MESSY MONTH.. WHAT A DAY!!

it's friday... it's gonna end in 3 hours...

err...

okay.

brought printer to the classroom...

thanks to Keyla from bringing that from the hostel...

one assignment left after finished other three assignments in a rush!! it's like august rush! omo... august rush is cute. =.="

it's good to be honest, hee.. no.. i don't feel ashamed. yes, the guilt is there. but it's just inevitable. and i just can't put the blame anywhere. it's me who to be blame of. booo!

 i'll try to share with you about those stories i in debt to you. ha-ha.

now i can do many things i love to do that couldn't be done properly since March began.

^_^

will be waiting for ayah here, in the north district of Malaysia.

fairy is cute.
i was a fairy on the previous monday.
thus, i am was cute. 

LOL. haha.

we start the mid semester break with, alhamdulillah and in the name of Allah the Most Gracious the Most Merciful.