38th : KP.

KP.

i can't say i never wish for that position because i don't know my heart.
i did wish for other organisation... not this one i tell you...

did you know how bad i reacted to the news once in the past year that i was going to be in that uniform unit? did u know?

did u know u had put me in the position i really hate in the first semester? 

did u know that i was annoyed that people telling me 'KAGUM' and 'KAGUM' for that i was going for that programme?

did u know i thanked Allah for giving such sweet memories, good experience in the programme?

did u know how i was excited to return to the campus to share with you my sweet memories and good experience to give your mind a little freedom and shift your paradigm and boost your motivation being in this group?

did u know i was annoyed when u once again put me in the position full of responsibilities?

did u know i was in frustration when we're not going for a camping instead of pentauliahan course because i think you won't learn something?

did u know my optimism faded away when some of you doubted me? questioned me like (itwaslikehell) u actually wanted to embarrass me in front of crowd?

did u know i am afraid that the way i think about you is wrong, but my heart can't deny the offended feeling?

did u know when the optimism disappeared i just can't help myself to coax my heart to not be hateful towards something i'm trying to like?

did u ever know to be responsible on something u did hate, did like, had sweet memories, end up with hatred again is VERY HARD?

it's hard because, do u know that doing things without sincerity is useless and will not be counted in your book when you are on the Judgement Day?????????

i don't want my hardwork, my time spent and those exhausted feelings i had gone through be wasted and useless.

can you understand?
would you try to understand?

self, will you get the answer here?
someday. maybe.

i pray that this will end quickly.
i pray that this will end without regret.
i really want to leave that group in facebook later, at least. because i just can't run from the reality.
i realized this causing me to be sick at feelings, sick at physical and yet, i know it should be strengthen spiritually.


.... some get it bad
some get it worse
life can sometimes look like a curse
so i cry my heart out 
let it all go....
- Outlandish

.... bukan bibir ini berbicara
namun jiwa ini berbahasa
dalam lamunan ku yakinkan 
kaulah teman kebahagiaan
Tuhan temukan ku penawar...
-Nur One

37th : the day of replacement.

er.
for your information, my batch which is PISMP January 2011 intake has to replace the day/s we got for Raya break since schools have to replace that day too and to fulfill our SBE requirement. =.= however, there's a campus i got to know that they don't have to replace their SBE day! what............!

so, i went to a school nearby this campus. not so near, it took, more or less about 15 minutes to arrive by car and if there's no traffic jammed.

so, the HM in that school was... strict. he. strict and very stick to the procedure which i felt unnecessary? >.<

hm. there're four more assignments to be submitted by tomorrow till this wednesday.

one is done.

one is half done.

one got only reflection to be done.

one is still quarter part done.

all the best!

below were my props for storytelling. >.< i think i didn't perform well. :( but, i did proud to be number one to perform. ha-ha. that proud me. :[

36th : no idea.

er. ok.
i just can't think of suitable title for this entry.

hey. hey.

tomorrow is Saturday.
it's a day to replace the raya early break last month. ok. SBE. remember? so, i have to go to school tomorrow. =_="

assignments. roughly, three are done. submitted. but, for a 'REAL DONE' is only one. the other two have certain things unfinished yet like storytelling session plus a reflection for that and the SBE task since i've to replace a day~

so, this is the final product of my wood project. *am i using GTM here? *_*

i just... like... speechless. ok. this is pink! -.- heh. but, i'm glad that mine looks different from others! ha-ha. yada. i get into the elevator and i shut it by myself! :P

er. ok. i got no point at all for this post.

just an update. eh.