am sorry that i don't share modules here.
TSL modules?

but you can e-mail me, i will share the modules but assignments. :)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

60th : i'm alive!

alhamdulillah am alive.
am alive.

practicum. phase 2. done. successfully? no. gracefully? i don't think so.

the portfolio. it's been two weeks. i haven't updated the weekly reflective journal. the pernyataan profesional. the journal is not updated for the eighth week. professional statement? everything. am dead if my lecturers are reading this.

i laugh.
when i can't tell you my thoughts. my feelings. my instinct.
i laugh.
when i can't answer your inquiries.
i can't answer because the blame is on me.
my answers will turn out to be excuses.
thus, it's better to say nothing. nothing.
i laugh.
when i feel tickled.
yeah. funny; in my point of view.
i laugh.
to... hide myself?


if after the first practicum finished i felt disappointed for my grade.
for this second phase, i knew that i deserved the grade.
i realised that even before the lecturer tells me.

that ego in me; i hate to hear negative comments about me from others when i am aware of the bad me.

that awkward me; i don't know or i can't respond to praises... to positive comments from others about me. yeah.

both ego and awkward me are negative.

i am labelled as 'sombong'. ahah. i am labelled as 'kera sumbang'.

at the school. i write these statements based on the feedback i received from the collaborating teacher.

'sombong'... proud. i used to that kind of label in secondary school. commented by the boys. ... that is just okay, for me, for that context. but, for this practicum context, it's just... kind of wrong to be happened?

'kera sumbang'. i never received this comment before the second phase practicum. ha-ha.
yada. am learning to be 'kera sumbang'. thus, i've succeed? ha-ha.

and yes.
i am not frustrated over my practicum result.
i don't know how should i arrange my words to construct one clear sentence to describe.
i am sad, but frustrated.

pointer. another issue. 3.85. am too far to chase that.

and for this sem, i am quite... hurnm. demotivated.


am enjoying myself.
to finish the ELS report. yada. am the secretary. maybe i can apply that pose after graduation. kah3. two years experience of being a secretary. that should suffice the requirement of new recruits in getting a job, isn't it? NO? ah.
to play netball in the evening. ha-ha.
to finish sewing a night-blouse for RBT3120. coursework. not for fun.
to slowly slow complete my practicum portfolio. :P
to not have negative thoughts about others. i have had enough.
to help others maintain relationship from being broken. silaturrahim. ukhuwah? no? i mean it when i say i care about you. i love you. yes. the word love from me is not exclusive for certain people that i call as my clan or gang. islam teaches us about love. why should it be exclusive like branded products in malls? yet, it's not that cheap that you can get it anywhere easily. it's just affordable. to make it affordable, it depends on the terms and conditions described in the Qur'an and sunnah. yeah. i don't wanna elaborate more. :P

one of enjoyable moments in this semester. RBT 3120

one of enjoyable weekends in this semester. 

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